1. Core Values & Principles
What each of you fundamentally believes a relationship should be built on.
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What we value most in a relationship (loyalty, openness, stability, etc.)
How we give and receive love (love languages, styles)
Our expectations for day-to-day affection
Personal boundaries (privacy, alone time, phones, social media, etc.)
Deal-breakers & non-negotiables
Individual career and life ambitions
2. Emotional Compatibility
How each of you handles stress, closeness, needs, and emotions.
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How each of us reacts under stress
How we communicate emotional needs
What triggers anxiety or avoidance for each of us
What makes each of us feel emotionally safe
How much emotional closeness we prefer day-to-day
How quickly we tend to get attached
3. Communication & Conflict Style
How you talk, how you disagree, and how you come back to peace.
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How we prefer to communicate day-to-day
Texting expectations (pace, tone, frequency)
How we handle disagreements
Rules for conflict (no insults, no threats, timeouts instead of disappearing)
What we need from each other when we are upset
How we de-escalate arguments and repair afterwards
4. Lifestyle Compatibility
The routines, habits, and energy levels that shape everyday life.
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Sleep schedules and daily rhythm
Social life balance (introvert/extrovert, going out vs staying in)
Daily routines and productivity style
Fitness, food, and health habits
Ideal alone time vs together time balance
Friend circles and boundaries with friends
5. Future Vision & Long-Term Goals
Making sure you’re moving in the same direction long-term.
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Marriage expectations and rough timeline
Kids – yes/no, timing, and basic parenting style
Where we ideally want to live (city, country, type of home)
How involved family should be in our life
Career sacrifices, relocations, and how we handle big decisions
Religion and culture expectations in daily life and future plans
6. Intimacy & Physical Connection
Emotional and physical closeness, boundaries, and feeling desired.
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Pace of physical intimacy we are both comfortable with
Comfort zones and what feels safe vs too much
Boundaries – physical and emotional
What makes each of us feel desired and attractive
What turns each person off emotionally in intimacy
How we like to reconnect after conflict
7. Relationship Roles & Responsibilities
The practical side of being a team and getting life done together.
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How we divide responsibilities (home, logistics, planning)
What “effort” in the relationship looks like for each of us
Decision-making style (who leads what, how we decide)
Financial habits and how we want to handle money as a team
What emotional support looks like for each of us
Expectations around personal growth and self-work
8. Attachment Style Management
Not therapy – just understanding each other’s patterns and managing them.
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My reactive patterns when I feel unsafe in the relationship
Your reactive patterns when you feel unsafe in the relationship
What specifically triggers each of us
What specifically calms each of us
What makes me withdraw or shut down
What makes me overthink and spiral
9. Rituals & Habits
The repeating things that keep the relationship alive on normal days.
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Weekly quality time ritual (date, walk, cooking, etc.)
Monthly relationship check-in ritual
Routine to reconnect after stress or busy periods
How we celebrate progress and small wins together
How we keep affection alive during normal weeks
How we handle especially busy or stressful weeks
10. How We Handle Change
The meta-layer: how you adapt when life, needs, or dynamics shift.
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How we adjust expectations when life gets stressful
How we handle major life transitions together
How we respond when one person’s needs change
How we renegotiate boundaries in a fair way
How we keep things fair so no one feels used
How we keep the relationship evolving instead of stagnating